Coheed and Cambria - "The Running Free"

"All non believers stand aside in fear
A new day's marching through the door
How could you ever think you might get here?
Did it bleed?
Was it sore?
Through the struggles you've endured

You've come so far from innocence
Provided all the consequence
Only what does it matter now

Cause you're coming home
You're running free
As only you would be if you never owed them anything
And now you found you're way out

In the trust you've seen your path on home

Spend your time well before you go
You're in hell

Your living ends before the engineer
What was the motive in this fight?
(Did they play you for the weaker of them?)
How could you ever think you might get here?
Was it greed that pushed your heart through the struggles you've endured?

You've come so far from innocence
Provided all the consequence
Only what does it matter now

Cause you're going home
You're running free
As only you would be if you never owed them anything
And now, you found your way out
In the trust you've seen your path on home

Spend your time well before you go
Here in hell

(There's a hell in all of us)
Spend your time well before you go
(There's a hell in all of us)
You were lost its all your own
(There's a hell in all of us)
There are no secrets you can hide
From yourself, in your mind
Leave the worst of all behind

Cause you're going home
You're running free
As only you would be if you never owed them anything
And now, you found your way out
In the trust you've seen your path on home

Cause you're going home
You're running free
As only you would be if you never owed them anything
And now, you found your path home
In the trust you've seen your path on home

Spend your time well before you go
Here in hell"

Okay, yes - i quoted my own Myspace profile song, and with good reason - yes i know about the dual narrative (Fellow Coheed fans, how one characters life sucseeds, whereas another ends up paying for thier sins) but it actually fits right now.

And to my readers - this will be the last music related post for a while, bad song comparison will be overwith, i promise! XD

But for those who dont know about how the few weeks before christmas played out, heres the short(ish) version.

Basically, i was kicked out - Ellen then decided to end what we had, for a multitude of reasons ("I dont know what i want right now!" "You need to much emotional support" "Hes annoying to live with" "Ive been talking to another guy in sainsburys . . . " "We don't have anything in common") that I've heard used with me and others, I've come down to one absolute reason, she was immature, and viewed any form of emotion, especially having to rely on others for empathy - as a weakness - and so she ended us the day after i was forced to move in.

After that, came the house searching, which was crap after crap, nowhere was affordable, or if it was - avaliable, and i had a week to find a place to go, and i thought i had found 2 places, both agreed first time round, and upon giving my father the details, pulled out mysteroiusly.

I have a theory on this, with Chrissie deliberatly calling them, spreading shit about me, in the hope i would go back to daventry, and as a result have my father all to herself, but i can't prove anything for or against it, but it just makes too much sence, its the way the pieces fell into place that makes it seem like to much of a co-incidence.

As for my father, he chose Her over me - and I proved myself to have something more than what he does, a backbone - at the moment, I'm not in communication with him, or if i am - its entirely trivial crap, passing questions in text messages from him that i answer as concisely as i can so i can avoid talking further for the time being, because i learned from Patch and Jacqui during faded glory before christmas, that they are planning to get married, and i want nothing to do with it.

Thats another family link gone, both of my parents - im beginning to wonder, if they where ever ready to have me at all . . . but thats to much of a question for me to ask - was i planned, or a mistake? and either way, did they ever think they where ready for me? Because they certainly proved to be profoundly bad parents, my parents none-the-less, but profoundly bad at it.

Which has lead me onto something thats been going around in my head for 2 months now, considering i never expected a life-line for someone to talk to, to turn into my salvation. I phone Jacqui after loosing my second housing offer, almost in tears - with 2 days left to find a place and move, i was expecting to return home - instead, she and Patch rallied the 3B's bike club together, and by the next day i was meeting with Roz, the owner of a buisness house with a spare room to let, and by the day afterwards i was moving.

Just thinking about it now, makes tears come to my eyes - because i wasn't expecting anything like that to happen, looking back at it now, it seems like a fairy tale, pulling back at the last moment and sucseeding where so many others would have failed - im not even sure how it was done, im just happy that it happened!

I am now living, in my own place - entirely independant! The dreams I've had ever since i started blogging - nearly five years ago now, have come to pass - and I've never been happier!

-----

Through all this i have some admissions to make, things i have to say.

Patch and Jaq, you guys made the choice never to have children - thats your choice, and your happier living your lives than Ive ever seen so many of the people around me, but i have to say - thats a shame. You guys pulled me out of a hole once before, and gave me a chance to just taste at the freedom i have now, you taught me so much, and i have so many happy memories of my time while i was living with you.

When this kicked up, i would tought you guys would be there as friends, you offered to take me back, but instead you gave me so much more, someone to talk to when i needed them, and amazingly - a place to go just as i needed it the most, all over again.

You guys have proved yourselves to be the parental figures I needed so many times over, that i genuinely consider you to be family, and I am in your debt so many times over that i can't even count any more! Patch, Jaq - I've just started my examinations today, and im paying you back in the way you said - I aced this exam, and im still getting strait A's in all my work. Im just hoping i can live up to your expectations as well as my own, so i can set that bar a little higher.

Thankyou.

-----

Continueing my story of my christmas, after Ellen left me, I wasn't sure how my christmas and new year would play out - until something happened that I wasn't expecting.

The name Heather, returns to my life.

But, this is a new Heather - i met her on my first day at work, i had heard in passing conversations, some things here and there, apparently she had a crush on me, but she didnt do anything about it, and we just carried on being friends.

Then, a few short days after faded glory, on the wensday night as she gave me a lift home to farnborough, as she carried onto aldershot, there was a car accident, and thankfully no-one was seriously hurt.

I spent that thursday at home with aches and pains, she spent it in the garage finding out if her vehicle was repairable or a write off, text messages where exchanged, she said she wanted someone to talk to, i said i was there if she needed me to be - and then on christmas eve, she gave me a lift home . . . and something amazing happened!

Suffice to say - "BEST! CHRISTMAS! EVER!"
(Unfortunatly, i spent the rest of it, bored and lonely, but I brought in christmas day on a bang! )

At the moment, im not going into much more detail - however, mother dearest, when she learns of this, will hate her (the same as any other girlfriend I've ever had) for one simple reason, she's 31.

Yep - im being cradle robbed! XD

-----

After all this, it still seems unreal to me, how i turned all this bad luck, and such a poor chain of events - into a complete turn around of my luck, don't ask me how . . . it just happened! XD

But, im here, im alive - and im still kicking, and im counting this - on the score of "Craig - 1, Universe - 0" and im wondering whats going to happen next, but at least i know, it can't get worse than whats happened to me allready!

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